On Saturday, I went to a barbecue at a friend’s house. Usually conversations are pretty general, but someone invited this couple and the guy kept bringing every single subject back to sex. It was pretty grating after awhile. But what was worse were the ideas behind them and the fact that some of my long-time male friends agreed or laughed. Which makes me seriously reconsider whether I should be friends with them.
“Oh, your girl is getting drunk. Gonna take advantage of her?”
“I have some rohypnol in my car” wink wink
“Wait till she’s sleeping!”
“Better not tell me you have a headache tonight”
“She said she’s the one always asking him for the D. That’s why she doesn’t have a boyfriend”
“Oh you women since you got the vote”
“Did you see Miley Cirus in that video, wearing that short skirt? Such a slut”
“What are you going to do when she’s given birth and you can’t have sex for a few weeks?”
“She’s gonna blow me”
Me: “You got hands”
“Nah, she’s gonna blow me”
It was such a mixture of entitlement, thinking that women need to be tricked/coerced into sex (as if we don’t enjoy it just as much, as if we are withholding it), that we should want sex, but not too much. It was exhausting. I tried to get in a few good comebacks, but I was no match for this endless tirade. It made me want to cry, for the idea that the men I trusted in my life, my closest friends, think like this. Or go along with men who think like this. And I can’t even articulate it properly. It makes you wonder how women even have relationships with men, if this is how they think about us. Oh, not all of them. But more than you think.
When I got divorced last year, I started looking for a house to buy (I had moved back in with my parents in the meantime). Some people asked my parents “Why is she buying a house? What if she meets a guy who already has a house?”
- Why would I continue to live at my parents’ house on the off chance I meet a guy who has a house? (That I like enough to want to move in with, at some far-off point in the future).
-If that would happen, we can live in separate houses. Coming out of a divorce, that sounds like a really great idea for a long time.
-He can sell HIS house if he has one (and if my house is better, I love it more, etc.)
It just seems like totally strange reasoning, putting off starting my new life based on a hypothetical relationship. Of course, most of these people are my parents’ age, so they have an old-school view, but still!
Anyway, I didn’t listen to their crazy talk and bought a house I absolutely love.